The title of this post, is the sad but true story of my fun times at Ezra’s last night.

Bodily Fluid One: I had just pulled Ezra out of the bath and he was laying on his bed while I dried him off. I turn to get something off of his bedside table and I hear him giggle. It’s at this point that I feel the pee on my arm. Now, at this point, I lost all ability to do anything. I just stood there watching the pee hit the expensive oriental rug and then arc down to the bedcovers and finally Ezra’s leg. Just stood there frozen. I’ve been working for the Ezra’s for well over a year and he has never even come close to peeing on me or anyone else and he chooses today to do this. You will come to see that it was clearly a family conspiracy…

Bodily Fluid Two: It’s about 10:00 last night and I hear Daniela (Ezra’s two year old little sister) making some sick little kid noises (something us pedi nurses just know).  So, I walk into her room and she’s burning up. Then Daniela and I commence a long and loud search (she was screaming) for a thermometer. Ezra was in the hospital last week and whenever that happens, things go missing or get moved and then take forever to relocate. Anyway, fever of 101.7 (under the arm) for miss Daniela. At this point, I call her mom because I am going to give her tylenol but it’s nice to inform the parents of a child you are not technically supposed to be administering drugs to (as she’s not your patient in that house) that you’re going to be doing that anyway. As I’m hanging up the phone with Iriss, Daniela vomits. The great part about said vomit is that before it hits the ground, it hits my left shoulder the trails down my left arm. Nice!

Bodily Fluid Three: Daniela and I then move to the kitchen to get her cleaned up. There we are, taking care of business and washing ourselves and removing offending pieces of clothing when she throws up again, his time hitting my right arm and hand. And while vomit number one was just white and creamy (like the milk she had recently consumed) vomit number two was chunks of chicken and broccoli (sorry to the non nurses for the yucky details). It is at this point that Andy (the dad) arrives home to find a screaming child that he can only get to after dodging the pile of vomit right by the front door and then the giant chunky vomit that we are standing behind in the kitchen. Good times were had by all!

I think the best/worst part of this story is that this is by no means the worst night I have had in terms of bodily fluid on me. I mean, there was no flying blood. Nobody coughed anything up that landed anywhere near me (surprisingly, I think that crap from the lungs is the worst thing to get on you. It’s so gross and makes me want to leave the profession forever. For serious!) and no one got poop on me at all (it’s a nice job I have). It’s also a sad commentary on what I do for a living that last night was not a bad night, nor did I communicate the story to Meghan and Amber in a feel sorry for me cuz this happened kind of way. The sad thing is that I just thought it was all par for the course and pretty funny. You be the judge…