Brianne Blogs?

My follow-up to the clone book was Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. How good was this book? Really, really good. It was a really good read, but was also good in the way that makes you so thankful that you were not born and raised in ancient China. Why, you ask?

The footbinding, oh the footbinding!

“To that end, my goal was to achieve a pair of perfectly bound feet with seven distinct attributes: They should be small, narrow, straight, pointed, and arched, yest still fragrant and soft in texture. Of these requirements, length is the most important. Seven centimeters-about the length of a thumb-is the ideal,”.

Above are some diagrams of a regular foot versus a bound foot above it.

Allow me to list some measurements that I took myself with a tape measure specifically to show you just how small this actually is:

Moaning Myrtle (the iphone, not the ghost): 11cm

Bathroom bar of soap: 8 cm

The spacebar on Neville Longbottom (my laptop): 9.5 cm

The book this blog is about: 13 cm (wide)

My left thumb (from bottom of knuckle to top of nail): 7 cm

How do they do this you might ask? Well, the mothers would wrap fabric around the feet of their little girls (7-8 years old) tight enough that when they walked on these feet the bones in their toes would break so that over time the toes could be bent back under the foot until they are under the heel. Only the big toe is not broken or bound. As someone who has broken her pinky toes multiple times, I have no words for how much this would hurt.

On top of the hurt is the smell and infection. As your toes bend back toward your heel the skin in between which is normally open to air slowly gets hot, then breaks down, then starts to decay and gets infected. 1 in 10 of the little girls would die from the footbinding process.

You are all welcome for this buzz-kill of a blog. Oops. But at least it was educational.

And by “a bust” I do not mean a sculpture of the chest up of say, Nefertiti (bringing back some memories, Berta?), but a mission not accomplished.

Sunday afternoon, we were supposed to go to a Yankee game. Supposed to as in we had three tickets, got up, got dressed in awesomely coordinated outfits and were on our way out the door when…we couldn’t find the tickets! We have an area on the desk by our front door where we keep all of the tickets for our upcoming events. Now maybe the rest of you don’t have a special area, but we have enough upcoming events that we do. Right now in that area are Yankee tickets for September, US Open Tennis Tickets and tickets for the last show of Rent. What is not there however, are the tickets we needed to get us into todays game.

We looked high. We looked low. We looked places we knew they could not possibly be. Then we gave up and took naps. Alas, a bust!

(photo disclaimer: for those of you who have never met her, lisa does not normally look like a wax person. she was running on very little sleep and was clearly quite sad. she’s horrified that i am including this photo. please don’t mention it to her. also, i am usually better at looking sad, but as was the theme of the day, it was a bust! other than that, please enjoy the photo!)

For those of you keeping track, that makes two attempted Yankee games this year and two busts. The first due to rain and illness, this one due to loss. All bad news for us. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for Septembers game. The frustrating thing about today is that you just know we are going to find those tickets soon and in a place we should have looked. I almost expect to stumble upon them at any moment. I’ll keep you posted on that one as well.

The other frustrating thing is that the world (50,000+ Yankee fans) did not get to experience the Stripe Trifecta that we opted for today (jealous Erica and Ezra?).

Or the same shirt in different colors that Lisa and I opted for. One word: AWESOME!

 Last Saturday I decided to throw away anything that had been in our pantry for more than a year. I think a very good idea. It was during this forage that I discovered something worse than a pantry item not used for a year=a pantry item that has been in there since we moved here in November of 2006 and has never been used. Yes, that’s the sad tale I am about to tell.

It’s a dinner in a box type scenario where you add chicken and it includes the seasonings, sauce and rice. Okay, sounds fine to me. Why was it never used? It wasn’t mine and there seemed to be some confusion as to whose it actually was. For a while I thought it was Meghans. Then Meghan thought it was Zaks. Then Zak thought it was Meghans. Then Zak thought it was his. All of this confusion led to no one feeling like they could eat it.

So, I explain all of this to Lisa on Saturday and we decide to live on the edge and eat it. That’s right, the two people who have lived here to whom it most definately does not belong, are the two who ate it.

The problem with this scenario occurred after we put it into the oven when I noted the expiration date on the box. “Best if used by January 2008″.

Yes, that was January. As in 7 long months ago. Ah well, we gave it a go nonetheless and seem to have survived. Most importantly, it’s out of the pantry. I don’t have to look at it everyday for the next year and nine months!! Yes!!! Thanks for braving the possibly questionable expired food with gusto, Lisa! And thanks to either Meghan or Zak for buying us dinner!

I am almost positive that each and every one of you blog readers has been waiting with bated breath for the announcement of the name of my iphone. I know it’s been a very long time, but I’ve just not felt right about any of the names. I knew it had to be Harry Potter related, as that’s how Maren, Amber and I name all of our electronics, but I just wasn’t happy with any of the suggested options.

So, a long time passed and I sort of gave up and was trudging sadly through life with an electronic without a name. I’m pretty sure Neville Longbottom (my computer) was ashamed to know me, but I just couldn’t give out an arbitrary name that didn’t feel right for my female iphone. Oh, the horrors of it all.

And then, as Lisa was talking about what to name her new iphone and it came out that mine still did not have a name even thought she’s been with me since April, Meghan came up with the perfect name for her:

Moaning Myrtle.

Yes, that’s right, I have chosen to name my phone after the ghost that haunts the girls bathroom toilets and sinks in the Harry Potter books. It just felt so right.

Thanks a ton, Meghan Skahen. You are an electronics-naming life saver. Could there be anything better? I think not! Myrtle and I thank you greatly!

The other day I accidentally made the best smoothie ever. Lisa and I have been consuming a smoothie a day since she moved in here and we’ve been loving each and every one. They are always good, but it wasn’t until we were running low on milk that I stumbled upon the creamiest and best smoothie of my life. That’s right!

As I was eating this miracle in smoothie form, it was bittersweet. So very good and so wonderful, and yet, knowing that I would probably never be able to reproduce the glory, it was also a little sad. Until the next day. I used 1/2 of the milk I would normally use and it was again the best smoothie ever! Yes! It wasn’t a fluke! The best had happened….until…it happened again today! I’m so thrilled that I have picked up this skill. To make your own worlds best smoothie:

1. 1/2 of a banana (frozen and sliced)

2. 5 (not six or four) frozen whole strawberries (not strawberry shortcake)

3. 1/3 cup of skim milk

4. 1/2 packed frozen acai pulp

[Acai pulp contains the following:

5. one scoop vanilla protein powder

6. blend (i use the fantastic magic bullet-which really is magic) until uniform in color

7. enjoy the best smoothie you have ever tasted.

(8. don’t worry if you don’t have acai pulp or protein powder, it’s pretty damn good with just the milk, strawberries and bananas)

Okay, I know I didn’t really need to put a picture with each of the instructions, but I’ve become ever so slightly obsessed with Google Images and want to use them whenever possible. So don’t think that I doubted your collective intelligence when I posted a photo of a banana, I just love love love Google Image! It rocks my world!

Wednesday, Lisa and I went to see Tropic Thunder. Robert Downey Jr rocked the house. The rest of it I could take or leave. But seriously, every scene with Mr. Downey was great!

It was one of those movies where he had so many great lines that I tried my hardest to remember so we could quote them later, but there were just too many. I so wished I had been writing them down. Like you wished you could take notes while watching Momento, but in a different way.

I must take this moment to say how happy I am to have had a summer of Robert Downey Junior. First, the glory that was Iron Man.

Then his cameo in The Incredible Hulk.

And now Tropic Thunder. If only they’d make an Only You 2.

And Meghans brother, Dan, kindly sent her home from vacation with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang for my Robert Downey Junior viewing pleasure. Thanks Dan, I’ll get right on it!

(Um, I clearly set a self-challenge to see how many movie posters I could include in one post. Well done me. Challenge extended, fellow bloggers.)

Last night, as I waited for Olympic coverage to start, I watched the movie Jumper. It’s about a guy who can teleport (or Apparate in Harry Potter Language) to anywhere he wants in a split second.

This movie made me yearn for this ability. And yes, it would come in handy in everyday situations, but I mean for trans-US travel. Allow me to make a list of the things I could have avoided in the last 3 years if I had this ability for travel:

1. I would not have had to spend the day at Chicago Midway airport while reading Atonement (where no one atones!) and be forced to miss the rehearsal and most of the rehearsal dinner of a wedding that I was in! (sorry Rachel P)

2. I would not have had to spend the night in Kentucky without any luggage.

3. I would not have had my luggage lost (along with my phone charger-which i now keep in my carry-on) for 4 days during which i lost the ability to communicate with the world because i had no home phone.

4. (And by far the worst best) I would not have had to get on a plane in Oklahoma City, hear a crazy woman say that there are “evil spirits on the plane” and then have to get off the plane, wait for dogs and security people to search the plane, then hear that the flight was cancelled and have to scramble to get on another flight to NYC that night. Oh the fun!

So, if someone knows who it is that hands out the abilty to jump around from place to place, i think i can made a pretty solid case for why i deserve it. So, keep your ears and eyes open for info and let me know.

Oh, the Olympics! Oh, the Olympics! Perhaps the best choice I ever made was the choice to not work during this years Olympics so I could catch every last moment. The only thing that would make this two weeks better would be if I were once again watching the “lympics” with Amber. Somehow, it’s just not the same!

Monday was so great! Mens gymnastics, swimming, I caught some late night volleyball and softball. All so good. And the best part was that I teared up so many times. When the US alternate was up in the stands crying, Brianne cried with him. It’s how I roll. If there is a warm-fuzzy sports-related story being told, I want to hear it and I’ll make real tears for it. It’s one of my favorite parts of the Olympics and why I get up every Saturday at 10:00 am (late for most, but ass early for night shifters) to watch ESPN’s College Gameday. All for the love of the warm fuzzy, up close and personal stories.

I also cried while finishing the book The House of the Scorpion. I sadly have to review my all consuming fear of clones and will try my hardest to be more compassionate towards one should he ever cross my path. I really liked this childrens book and while my impulse was to read the second book in one of the childrens series I am reading, I thought I should read an adult book before I stop reading them entirely and only read caldecot and newbery award winners and popular childrens books.

That wouldn’t be so bad. A life of Number the Stars, The Giver, Island of the Blue Dolphins and Harry Potter is a good life. I may do this in my old age. Something for us all to ponder.

I typically work on Sundays, but was reminded yesterday why that may not be the best choice. Sundays rock! It was cool and overcast and nobody had anything to do. LB and I spent the afternoon flipping back and forth between:

MSNBC for water polo and rowing

NBC for swimming and beach volleyball

CBS for the PGA championship

and YES for the Yankees/Angels game

What?! This was a Sunday made in sporting heaven! And I loved every minute of it. And then, to make a good Sunday even better, I did one of my favorite things and saw a movie by myself. The X-Files: I Want to Believe. It was so nice to see Mulder and Scully again. How I have missed them. I hope you all had a Sunday that rocked as much as mine did!

Yes, that’s right. The title of this post is banana oil. I realized when I was telling about my Jurassic Park viewing that I completely skipped over Thoroughly Modern Millie. I fear that it would be a grave error if i didn’t share that with you.

Let’s take a moment to talk about what Meghan and I thought this musical was about: a young woman who tries to make it in the fast paced world of office life in the 20’s.

Let’s now take a moment to talk about what this musical was actually about: a young woman working in an office trying to seduce her boss into marriage while simultaneously conducting an affair with a millionaire pretending to sell paperclips while also trying to figure out the strange disapearance of the orphaned women in her residence hotel which turn out to be part of a chinese white slavery smuggling ring. Did I mention that there was an airplane ride, flying acrobats and an elevator that only worked if you tap danced in it?

The best part is that Meghan and I now have some new words and phrases to work into our lingo:

1. “banana oil” this was used as opposed to “crap” or “dang it” and was quite spectacular. give it a try, it’s pretty funny.

2. “terrif” yes, this shortened version of terrific made many more appearances than it should have and seemed to be julie andrews favorite word.

So, while I don’t recommend seeing this over two hour long musical marathon, I do recommend incorporating the new words and phrases. So, have a terrif day!