Actually, I guess I should say that I dodged a ball of flames. Or, more accurately, I should say stood still while a ball of flames lapped at my arm and face.
Yes, that is exactly what Lisa and I experienced our last night in the Hamptons. The kids were in bed and the parents were out to dinner and we decided to grill ourselves some yummy dinner. Okay, all is well so far. We marinate some chicken and get some asparagus and cous cous. Sounds good.
Lisa and I head out to the grill while Erica settles into the bathroom. The bathroom looks out onto the backyard and has a window with blinds that Erica opened so she could talk to us. (This is necessary information for what comes later)
Lisa is getting the grill ready and I’m standing there holding the chicken and the lighter. So, Lisa tells me to light the grill and I put the lighter in and pull the trigger and “whoosh” and giant ball of fire leaps out of the grill and envelops the two of us for a few seconds and then disperses.
Lisa and I stand there, frozen. We have no reaction. However, Erica, who was sitting in the bathroom yells out “Oh my gosh, what just happened?!”. At that point, Lisa and I wake up from our great balls of fire coma and I notice that the hair on my right arm is singed into little balls of burnt hair. So, into the pool my right arm goes.
Yes, it was a pretty awesome time for one and all. And while I’m quite sad about the hair on my right arm being gone, I’m pretty happy that the lighter in my hand didn’t explode when the flames leapt up over and around it. You know how things go into slow motion when something scary is happening? That happened to me as the fire was leaping up. I thought to myself, “crap, I hope this lighter doesn’t explode”. Of course, as we all well know, my thinking that didn’t in any way motivate my body to drop the lighter or move out of the line of fire. Alas, what can you do?
I feel worse for Erica who had to witness it all from the bathroom than for Lisa and me. Poor Erica who would have had to run from the bathroom, through the kitchen, down the back porch and onto the lawn to put out her friends and then call 911 while trying to save our lives and track down the pieces of my right hand had things gone terribly wrong. Erica said that all the could think was that there were three nurses and she’d be the only one in any shape to do anything about it.
So, thank you, fire gods for saving our lives and my right hand. I’d be one sad person without it.
