Today’s survival guide information is about getures to avoid when travelling abroad:

1. The Upside-Down Glass on Bar: In the US and other countries, turning your glass upside-down might indicate that you don’t want anything to drink. In some pubs in Australia, however, finishing your drink, turning the glass upside-down, and placing it squarely on the bar may signal that you believe you can win a fight with anyone present.

2. Eye Contact: In Pakistan, staring is common. Do no be offended if someone stares at you. In Zimbabwe, do not maintain continued directed eye contact. It is considered rude, particularly in rural areas. In New York City, do not make eye contact with anyone on a subway, train, or bus. Read a book or newspaper, or maintain an unfocused, nonresponsive visage to avoid incident (that’s the book talking, not me).

3. The Fig Gesture: In most Latin American countries it is considered phallic and very rude. In Brazil, the fig gesture means “good luck”. In parts of the US, it means “I’ve got your nose”, part of a children’s game in which one person pretends to have captured the other person’s nose. (How smart does this last one make Americans sound?)

4. The Okay Sign: In Brazil, Germany and Russia, it indicates a very private orifice and is an insult. In Japan, the sign indicates that you want change. Use this gesture if you want a cashier in a store to give your change in coins. In France, it is an insult. It denotes the number zero or the concept of something being worthless. When placed over the nose, it means “drunk”.

All good tips. And I think it’s safe to say that this also applies to being abducted by a UFO. Because, after all, you don’t want to be gesturing inappropriately to an EBE and thus be abducted for an ill-timed hand gesture. I tell you what, if these survival guide posts don’t save a life, I’ll be shocked.

Preview of tomrrow: The girls and I are meeting Zak for dinner (happy hour) and then off to see 9 to 5 on Broadway. That’s right, it’s all Dolly Parton all the time! Who could ask for anything more?