A Civil Injustice: Fucked in New Jersey

Once upon a time, everyone wanted to take a nice trip to Chili’s and Target and then come home and watch An American Tale. Not giant or wild plans, but sure to be fun. Last time we did this, we went to Queens and got lost in a cemetery. So, this time, we went to Jersey City, New Jersey. When I googled the nearest Chili’s and found that it was in Jersey City, I immediately thought “no!” we will not go to Jersey! I hate Jersey! But then I thought that perhaps I was giving Jersey a bad shake and that my hatred was unfounded and that I should give it a chance. Mistake, Mistake, Mistake. And here’s why:

1. Zak and I went to the Financial District to pick Maren up from her work. After we picked her up hitchiking on West Street, we headed toward the Lincoln Tunnel. On our way, we got caught in a red light situation where we, and about 4 other cars were stopped in the intersection due to the congestion in the tunnel. Okay, this would be a problem except the traffic going the opposite direction was blocked so that there was no one trying to get through the intersection due to construction. Suddenly, a cop shows up and knocks on the window. We roll down the window and the first thing the guy says is “What’s your name?” Well, this is New York, we’re not giving our name to anyone without asking what Zak then asked, “Why?” Now, this is a cop and should tell us what we did or what he’s doing or why he knocked on our window, right? Instead he walks off to the sidewalk, fills out our ticket and comes back and hands it to us, meanwhile keeping us in the intersection until he could write it which I think created more of a problem than the non-existent one we created in the first place. After we get our ticket and drive up a little ways, a truck driver is yelling at us and so we roll down our window and he tells us about how the fuzz lies in wait for the light to turn red and hands out $115 tickets. Rather than conduct traffic like they normally do in highly congested areas, they stand around and hand out tickets at every red light. I wish you all could have been there to see how mad Zak was. Maren and I thought it was ridiculous, but what can you do? But Zak was more angry than I have ever seen him in the many many years I have known him. It was crazy how mad he was. He kept saying things like “this is a social injustice”, “this is a trap”! It was pretty funny, but Maren and I didn’t figure we should laugh at him.

   

So, we get to Jersey City and we park in a parking lot behind the Chili’s by a sign that says there is a two hour parking limit. Okay, we wouldn’t be in Chilis’ for two hours, so we proceeded inside. And when we came out on hour and 15 minutes later…

2. Maren’s car was gone. Yes, gone! Towed! And about 50 feet away in this empty parking lot was a tow truck with a number on it. So, Zak calls the number and proceeds to get into an argument with the guy on the phone as to why our car had been towed in the first place. Meanwhile, a guy in a truck drives up to me and Maren and asks us if our car got towed and hands us a business card to the tow place where our car is and says that he gets paid to drive around and hand out the business card of the place where they took our car. So, we google search the tow place since no one there will tell us how to get there and we head on New Jersey Transit to Hoboken (oh no!) to get our car.

In Hoboken, Maren and Zak walk under the Archway to Nowhere. That’s not really what it’s called, but I think it should be.

So, we take a train, then take a cab and end up at a non-existent 660 Grand Street. There is a 640 but then the addresses skip to 700. Hmmm…Then we re-google it and there is also a 660 Grand Street on the far side of Jersey City so when the iPhone map application looked for the address, it showed us the nearest 660 Grand Street which happened to be in Hoboken even though we were in Jersey City. So, then we’re lost in Hoboken, New Jersey, looking for our car and with no idea how to get where we are going. So, we look on the iPhone and it tells us to get on the 126 bus and then transfer to the 6 bus and the walk to the tow place. So, we get on the 126 bus and ask the driver if he goes to the place where we connect with the 6. Um, nope! The next stop, back at the train station, is his last stop. But, he listens to our story and asks us where we are going and tells us that this was his last run of the night and he’ll take us to Jersey City and to the tow place because he lives in Jersey City! So, worlds nicest bus driver takes us out of Hoboken, on the highway, into Jersey City and far into the sketchy part of Jersey City where the tow place is. So, when our personal taxi/bus driver drops us off, we try to give him our bus fares plus $20 for saving us from floundering in the wilds of New Jersey and he says no. He won’t take any of our money, not even the bus fare. He was so kind and so wonderful and shook our hands and wished us luck and told us he had time to play with since he was off and he was happy to help. Who is this guy? Frederick, most wonderful public transportation worker in the world, everyone salutes and thanks you profusely! Anyway, then we get out of our personal bus/taxi and step into a tow place that is the creepiest place in the world. On the plexiglass partition is a sign that shows that they take Visa and Mastercard. So, Maren asks if they take credit cards and he says no. Then she asks if they take debit cards and he says no. Lucky for us, I carry a ton of cash on me so I don’t have to pay ATM fees at the many non-Bank of American ATM’s that are closer to my house and I just happened to have gone to the ATM recently. So, I bust out $150 in cash to pay to get Maren’s car out of the two pound. Hmmm…why have Maren and I been to two tow pounds in two months? It is not fun!

So, lesson learned:

Jersey does not deserve a second chance!

Jersey sucks for very clear reasons!

We hate New Jersey and have vowed to not got there at least for the rest of 2009!

Everyone rejects New Jersey and you should, too!

With all this said, you might think we had a bad day. But, I found this whole thing quite funny and I think as the days and years pass this story will only be the funnier for it’s sheer craziness!

Goodnight, New Jersey!