I just finished reading a really fantastic book that Meghan picked out for me in the Portland, Oregon airport. And she did a great job! This is a book written by a man who read the Encyclopedia Brittanica cover to cover in a year. It’s the true story of what he was reading at the time and what happened in his life. It’s written in a great way with each chapter being a letter of the alphabet and it’s not written in paragraph/narrative form, it’s written like an encyclopedia with entries for each letter. There were some really great ones, allow me to list them for you:

Bell: The world’s largest bell was built in 1733 in Moscow, and weighed in at more than four thousand pounds. It never rang-it was broken by fire before it could be struck. What a sad little story. All that work, all that planning, all those expectations-then nothing. Now it just sits there in Russia, a big metallic symbol of failure. I have a moment of silence for the silent bell.

Casanova: The famous 18th century lothario ended his life as a librarian. Librarians could use that to suck up their image.

Berserkers: Savage Norse soldiers from teh middle ages who, it is said, went into the battle naked. Hence “going berserk:. So to truly go berserk, you should take off your pants. Noted.

Climate and weather: Lightning goes up. It shoots right up from the ground and into the cloud. This is what the encyclopedia says in the section on climate and weather. I reread this passage a couple of times to make sure I hadn’t gone batty-but no, lightning goes up. To be technical, it does first go down-there’s an initial bolt called the “leader” that zips from the cloud to the ground. But the bright part, the part that flashes, is the “return stroke”, which goes from the ground back to the cloud. This is profoundly unnerving. When I didn’t know the history of canned laughter or the existences of a sexy Confederate spy, that was mildly vexing. But this is unnerving. This is a while new level of ignorance. I’ve been looking at lightning all my life, and it’s sky-to-ground direction seemed about as certain as the slightly asymmetrical nose on my face. To be confronted with this totally counterintuitive information-it makes me paranoid. What other incorrect ideas do I have? Is the sun actually cold? Is the sky orange? Is Keanu Reeves a brilliant actor?

Death: A Russian nobleman patented a coffin that allowed the corpse-if he regained consciousness after burial-to summon help by ringing a bell. Another good idea. Because that could really screw up your week-to wake up and find yourself in an airless coffin. I guess nowadays they could put cell phones in there.

Divorce: The easiest divorce around: Pueblo Indian women leave their husband’s moccasins on the doorstep and-that’s it-they’re divorced. Simple as that. No lawyers, no fault, no socks, just shoes.

Garrick, David: Famed 18th century Shakespearean actor who also managed the Drury Lane Theatre. He fought to “reform” the audience, discontinuing the practice of reduced entry fees for those who left early. I don’t like this guy. His reform in terrible. We need to go back to the old system: You stay an hour at a movie, you pay half price. You stay a half an hour, quarter price. Leave after ten minutes, the theatre has to pay you for your trouble.

Greenland: A mystery solved. I’ve always wondered why Greenland-which is basically a massive sheet of white ice-is called Greenland. Turns out the country’s name was coined by and Erik the Red, who had been banished from Iceland in 982 A.D. for manslaughter. He called his new home Greenland in order to entice more people to join him there. In other words, it was all a shady PR ploy by a felon. Shady, but smart. No doubt he got more takers than if he’d gone with something more accurate, like Bleakland or Depressingland or Youllstarveland.

Hollywood: This was founded by a man named Horace Wilcox, “a prohibitionist who envisioned it a community based on his sober religious principles”. Well, I know that a lot of Hollywood types are in AA. But other than that Mr. Wilcox would probably not be overjoyed.

James, Jesse: The greatest robber of the Wild West died in 1882. He was shot in the back by a gang member while he was at home “adjusting a picture”. That doesn’t seem right. Being shot in the back is bad enough, but while adjusting a picture? A notorious bandit shouldn’t end his life engaging in interior design. Well, at least he wsn’t crocheting throw pillows.

Urine: Dalmation dogs and humans have strangely similar urine (they’re the yonly two mammals to produce uric acid). This could be useful if I ever smoke pot, apply for a government job, and have access to Dalmations. REgardless, the unexpected connections continue to amaze.

So, there you have it. Some of the many things I learned while reading this book. Next up, the most recent Pulitzer winner.